COOL GIFTS FOR MEN | CONTEMPOZINE

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Here is my Apple Iphone rant! With all the continuing buzz for the Apple Iphone, I have to be the one dissenting voice. I borrowed a friends Iphone expecting to absolutely blown away so that I could fall in love with it. Well, it was the total opposite. Not even close. There is a thin line between love and hate and I ended up absolutely hating it. Here’s why:

Number 1. Has anyone heard of the Apple Newton? Everyone though it was so cool and the greatest thing since sliced bread. Back then all of our brains had not been fried by cell phones so everyone did not jump on the bandwagon like with the Apple Iphone. My point is that the Apple Newton was supposed to learn how you write, but all that happened is that you learned what the Newton would accept. Now who was the dumbass. That is how I felt trying to type on the Iphone’s crack addict virtual keyboard. It is like taking a field sobriety test. Who the hell can do that even when they are sober? I am a man with big hands and those little virtual keys with no tactile feedback drive me freaking crazy. What a great non-user interface for the user interface co! Does everyone using this thing have tiny hands and the nerves and precision of a race car driver?

Number 2. Who the hell wants a big piece of plastic stuck against their face all day long to get all smudged and messed up and I am not even a woman with makeup and lipstick. Furthermore, the Iphone looks smashing and then you have to add a butt ugly piece of crap case to protect the damn thing. My friend carried it around in the store bag for like a week and then when she got the case the phone looked like an old Texas Instuments calculator.

Reason Number 3. Everyone I know that has an Iphone can’t even get reception in their own freaking house. I know you have heard this before, “Hold on, let me call you from the house phone.” Can you hear me now? I thought everyone was getting rid of house phones anyway. That is so like the 1980’s with big chic hairdos, punk rockers, Bruce Willis with hair, cocaine in the office, big ass grey brick phones and everyone wanting a candy apple red 911 porsche. Oh, and Gary Coleman was still cute and gainfully employed. Can you hear me now? Let me call you from the land line. Land lines, I thought those went out in the 80’s also. Morpheus, there’s a glitch in the Matrix.

Reason Number 4. AT&T is Evil: Who wants to be stuck with ATT for 2 years. Isn’t ATT dead already. They are like so 1980’s too. Weren’t they one of those companies offering 50 dollars if you switched over to their long distance with MCI and Sprint. Reach out and touch someone and all that. Now that is funny. That same AT&T, word? It’s 1984 again. Bobby Brown must be about to release a hit single.

Reason Number 5. I don’t want to join the Apple cult. Apple gets a pass just because it is Apple. It is like Obama vs. Clinton, but in this case the product sucks. Ok, the Ipods are cool as hell and since they came out everyone jumps on the Apple bandwagon before they even release a product and please see it. That Steve Jobs is a trip. How does the user interface company screw up something as simple as keyboard input. It is like including a mouse with a computer with no right click. Oh damn, Apple already does that.

Here is a great site that shows you cell phone options and comparisons - www.productclash.com, but if you can wait until later this yeay, check out this phone: Sony Ericcson Xpera X1:

It is 1984 all over again and now the mass of followers are jumping over the cliff because Apple says so and not big blue? Are they still around? The guys with the mainframes that took up big rooms and needed their own air conditioning? Remember those guys that only wore blue suits and knew nothing about casual Fridays? Damn, now that is old school. Remember that hot ass chic running down the aisle with a sickle and throwing against a giant screen? Remember the USSR or CCCP? Damn! Can you hear me now?

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